sealed lips

I remember a time when our little nice Anna would chatter nonstop. We were driving, and all of a sudden she was quiet.  My friend Larisa laughed and said:  “We found a way to keep Anna quiet for a little while.”  I turned around and asked little Anna a question.  Hardly moving her lips she said: “I can not talk now, I have lipstick on my lips.”

I have been speaking for a while now.  I have been doing seminars for a decade.  Different audiences, different topics.  For the last 5 years I have been speaking about Gods design for Sex.  That is one hard subject to undress.   

I have begun to come in terms with how God created me, the personality He gave me, the love for people, the boldness in sharing, the desire to spread His truth, the confidence on stage, the compassion for others hurts, the intercession on peoples behalf…

All these things He has instilled, and has been slowly unveiling.  As I have finally consented, as I have humbly accepted that what God wants from me is courage.   Courage to stand against the tide.  Courage to speak His truth and Might, to point to Him against all odds.  In all of this excitement and final acceptance of my design, He has simply, peacefully, firmly, all of a sudden asked me to STOP SPEAKING.

How can this be? I am a speaker, and to stop speaking, is to really stop all I’ve been doing.  He has asked me to STOP DOING, and learn to Just BE. And thus I must quietly, concede.   

I have complied.  With difficulty, I denied an opportunity to serve. To minister to parents, youth, to speak to people His Mighty Truth.  It’s hard to do Gods will because it often doesn’t make sense at first, yet in the end, obedience is better than sacrifice, to our Lord.  

Recently as I have regretted some of the things I said. I have realized that my consent to Gods request has put me on His terms of Rest.  

There is no more authority in my words.

That was humbling to realize that the strength and impact of speaking comes from the One within, and at His choosing.

For a season, He wants me to listen, and not to speak, to remain silent, to seal my lips.

Oh Lord, please forgive me, that I am a slow learner.  I hear your words, I want to obey, but at the first opportunity to practice silence, I speak and fail your request.    

My lips are sealed!!

Maybe I shall wear lipstick, and like my little niece, be reminded that I CAN NOT SPEAK!!

off radar

As I embraced Gods call to silence and Real Rest, I was washed over with a longing to hide. 

To really escape.  To run away. To be alone.  To be without a phone!

My phone is such a link for me. It keeps me connected not only with friends and family, but with teens, and people in general.  There is no distance or time or space with an internet in my hand.

When I travel I feel like I always have a crowd with me through the facebook app.  My camera and instagram have replaced my big Nikon and digital Cannon.  I do more work on my phone than I do on my comp. 

And so, as I began to accept Gods call and my need to really rest, I realized that I wont be able to unless I completely abandon my computer and iphone too. 

I was dreaming to escape to the coast where there is no service. That’s always easiest instead of putting your own will to the test. 

The circumstances seem to forbid such escape.  Yet my heart still longs to seclude itself.  To cut off all communication with the rest.  No emails, or facebook, no talking and No Texts.  To go completely ‘under the radar,’ for a Real Rest.

Don’t know when or how that will be.  But I want this cut off from the world and full serenity!

 I want my SEARCH to be for the Father above, oh how I long to be RECONNECTED with His great Love.  I want to HIBERNATE in His sweet embrace. I want to CHARGE up with His power, His Word and to just seek His face. 

In this seasons lesson of “just be” I want to run away into His SECURITY.  There seems to be some VIRUSES that I picked up along the way.  I want Him to INSTALL His will and purpose, to SAVE His Truths deep within my system, REBOOT me completely, so I can RUN like new.

So, if you will not receive any answers to my texts, if you wont see any posts, or pictures on facebook, than know that I have finally DISCONNECTED and went completely Undetected – off radar!!!

just BE

I make plans, but the Lord has His own.

Lately I have had several major changes in what ‘I’ thought I should be doing.  As a year mark hit of my ‘quitting my job, selling possessions and living on the go’, I thought surely the time has come for me to get busy. 

God has been teaching me about Sabbath rest, and so after a year, I thought: “Ok Lord, I Rested – check, lets get this show on the road.” But apparently the Lord had other plans. As I was challenged by Him to pause and analyze my path, it was the Lords response “Whenever you will be done resting Actively Your Way, we will begin rest My Way!”

So during the 'year of Sabbath,' I thought I rested I actually didn’t rest at all.  Well I did rest, because I didn’t have a daily full time job, and was able to travel and see people, which always energizes me, but I was not being STILL, like God wanted me to.  Although I did not ‘promote myself’ I still did speaking engagements, little home groups, girls sleepovers, and private meetings.  Although it was all fun for me to do, it is as if the Lord is now saying: “Are you ready for REAL REST now?”

As a pastor clarified for me, that doing ministry full time and getting a pay check, and then quitting my job and trusting God to provide, and continuing to do ministry is NOT REST. 

I feel like I must completely withdraw into the desert.  That means to actually NOT take ANY speaking gigs, and actually say NO to those that do come up, and that is so extremely Hard!!

This seems so odd because there is so much need.  But God is saying, we will now “rest My way!” not your ‘busy way.’  I am not the one to meet people’s needs, GOD IS and for Him to do so, I must step out of the way. 

As I was offered to have my way paid to “just come and BE” I realized how useless and wasteful I think that is.  I just do not understand my worth aside from DOING, and MINISTERING, LISTENING, PRAYING, CARING, LOVING, SPEAKING, LEADING.. anything, except JUST BEING. 

Thru all this I realized that truly with all this doing, I am trying to earn Gods approval, to prove to Him that His making me is not useless in this world.  It feels so unnatural for me not to DO anything, but that is precisely what God wants me to do (or Not to Do) J. 

My Sabbath is suppose to only Start when I choose to STOP. 

Stop DOING, and start BEING.

I don’t know what that is all about, do you?

Perhaps, I shall learn from a baby, peacefully sleeping in my arms, what that is like?!