just BE

I make plans, but the Lord has His own.

Lately I have had several major changes in what ‘I’ thought I should be doing.  As a year mark hit of my ‘quitting my job, selling possessions and living on the go’, I thought surely the time has come for me to get busy. 

God has been teaching me about Sabbath rest, and so after a year, I thought: “Ok Lord, I Rested – check, lets get this show on the road.” But apparently the Lord had other plans. As I was challenged by Him to pause and analyze my path, it was the Lords response “Whenever you will be done resting Actively Your Way, we will begin rest My Way!”

So during the 'year of Sabbath,' I thought I rested I actually didn’t rest at all.  Well I did rest, because I didn’t have a daily full time job, and was able to travel and see people, which always energizes me, but I was not being STILL, like God wanted me to.  Although I did not ‘promote myself’ I still did speaking engagements, little home groups, girls sleepovers, and private meetings.  Although it was all fun for me to do, it is as if the Lord is now saying: “Are you ready for REAL REST now?”

As a pastor clarified for me, that doing ministry full time and getting a pay check, and then quitting my job and trusting God to provide, and continuing to do ministry is NOT REST. 

I feel like I must completely withdraw into the desert.  That means to actually NOT take ANY speaking gigs, and actually say NO to those that do come up, and that is so extremely Hard!!

This seems so odd because there is so much need.  But God is saying, we will now “rest My way!” not your ‘busy way.’  I am not the one to meet people’s needs, GOD IS and for Him to do so, I must step out of the way. 

As I was offered to have my way paid to “just come and BE” I realized how useless and wasteful I think that is.  I just do not understand my worth aside from DOING, and MINISTERING, LISTENING, PRAYING, CARING, LOVING, SPEAKING, LEADING.. anything, except JUST BEING. 

Thru all this I realized that truly with all this doing, I am trying to earn Gods approval, to prove to Him that His making me is not useless in this world.  It feels so unnatural for me not to DO anything, but that is precisely what God wants me to do (or Not to Do) J. 

My Sabbath is suppose to only Start when I choose to STOP. 

Stop DOING, and start BEING.

I don’t know what that is all about, do you?

Perhaps, I shall learn from a baby, peacefully sleeping in my arms, what that is like?!